She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
