Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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