we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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