Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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