Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
