Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
