It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
