I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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