ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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