I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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