I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
