I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Man, jail baloney is awful.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
