I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
