You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
how do you play pong handcuffed?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
