So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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