then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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