I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
