i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
