every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
