i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we're chasing vodka with high fives
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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