I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
