wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
