Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
this just has baby written all over it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
