dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
