Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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