Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
