Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
