and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's shark week go big or go home
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
