4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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