I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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