dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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