I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
