Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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