Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
