Someone shit on the floor
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
