Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
