If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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