Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
