My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You took a bar mat shot.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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