come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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