This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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