If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
