there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Is it because I queefed?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
