she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
