how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
