So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
