just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
