I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
pop tarts are not kleenex
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
