My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm passing your future prison.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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