..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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