I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
