Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
