I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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