Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
