The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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