there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
