Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
did i just pee glitter
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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