It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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